Jeez! I knew I wasn’t supposed to use that word, but couldn’t this guy lighten up?

If he lost the pout, he’d have been one hell of a looker. Was it my fault I landed on him? You try flying on learner wings – it’s like Top Gun without stabilisers. Gives you a serious head rush, and I was an expert on those.

‘Hello … but this is my flat you’ve broken into.’

‘You ever see a burglar dressed like this?’ I gave a quick twirl. The whole get-up was seriously naff, but it was real old school up there.

‘I don’t know how you got in,’ said Mr Sulky Chops, pursing those almost cute lips, ‘but the fancy dress party isn’t here.’

‘Very funny, seen these babies?’ I gave the two-ton wings a waggle.